i'm trying to keep my feet on the ground

2006-11-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

Watch this OMG DAMN FUNNY SERIOUSLY!! HAHA

2006-10-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

Still Fighting It - Ben Fold's Five

Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
You'll try and try and one day you'll fly
Away from me

I want to fly and not fall.
Sorry if I don't sound coherent to you, maybe I'm getting all schizo here. I still cannot fully comprehend what I'm going through now. I feel lethagic most of the time and sometimes I get damn moody for reasons I cannot fathom. I hope things will be get better. I hate being in a melancholy mood.

Happier part of the post:
Bangkok trip in December!
That's the only thing I'm looking forward to. My goodness. And my mum generously offered to sponsor me the air tickets. *GRIN* Haha. So far 2 comfirmation from my friends. I like spontaneous people. (: But I hope there will be more. *HINTS TO AARON, BEN, ETC.*
And whoa, I'll get to see my thailand judo friends! *beams* Language is not a barrier between us. I can actually hold pretty good/decent conversation with some of them =)Seriously can't wait to see them..and I hope training over there won't be too tough, if not it would be rather embarrassing to be panting while doing their warm-ups, hah!

I hope Decemeber will come by quick.

2006-10-11T06:57:00.000-07:00

Vivo City

"Is that my neighbour bf?"
"What is he doing with another girl?!!"
"Should I tell my neighbour??" o_0
"Ohh look, lesbians!! Hey, gays(!!) oh no, threesome!"

HAHA it's a lot funnier if you hear it from aaron himself.

I would love to go vivo city again soon when everything is complete (cos there's nothing much there now, 40% still undone), the view from the rooftop is simply breathtaking. A cup of warm caramel latte and the occasional sea breeze just have the magic to take my mind off worldly stuff, just stand in awe and be amazed by His wonderful creation =)
But of cos, without the haze will be awesome =)

2006-10-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

Cannonball by Damien Rice

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

On another note,
we all have moments of desperation. but if we face them head on,
that's when we find out just how strong we really are.

=)

2006-10-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

The good ole' days..(2-3 years ago)

After one particular competition@Bedok stadium
Front row:Jianwei, Weilong, --(?!!I don't know who he is, seriosuly.lol)
Back row:Gina, me, Shimin, Huiting, Serchen

The B'division girls'04@Toa payoh sports hall(Finals! =D)

We are the champion~
Prize presentation@school

My best-est (lol) seniors! <3
Diana, Shimin and me@Colours Award

Just not too long ago.. =)

(And thanks to kenneth who point out that I put on weight *pouts*)

2006-10-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

Aw-shucks =(

It feels really awful to be down with fever, sore throat and running nose at the same time and worst part of it all, freaking insomnia(cos' it's freaking 3.39AM now. It's hell, it really is). When all you need is ample of rest. :(

And recently (just this week), I lost my ez-link and my ipod ear-piece(35bucks!!) is f-up. :(

*grumblegrumble*

What's next, really.

2006-10-02T00:37:00.000-07:00

LG KG800

I know this model came out quite awhile alrd but..I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT OMG!!

And Death Note is coming up!! Hoho can't wait =D

2006-09-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY STANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN =D

Let me see what I can say about this boy..

Stanley is my friend
He's amusing cos his msn nick will never make sense.
He's always late but he can come up with 1MILLION absurd explaination why it is justifiable for him to be late.
He's my sister for 4+ years now =D
He has a thing for older woman and lesbian sex.
He has got the NICEST/NEATEST handwriting among all the other guys I know
He was my classmate for 3 years, ~~I always hated my secondary school life~~he makes my secondary school life just more bearable =)
He's a chef-to-be! =D
(although I think he will make a good pilot cos' he always ps me last minute)
Stanley is full of shiat xD
and most importantly,
He's SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN NOW =D

Love ye babe!

2006-09-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

To be with you..guys

I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you

Through this GYL camp I've found a group of special people that I really want to thank God for. Words can't really convey how 'special' they are, (okay I'm bad at this..) there's just this bond that hold each of us so dearly together even though all of us are so different, I know this sounds cheesy and stuff but ohwell..I know they are those that I'll keep close to my heart =) I'll never forget all the crazy things we've done together, getting drunk together :p, the stuff that we've been through. Faith and trust. Okay I don't like revealing much of my inner thoughts on my blog so.. when we meet next time, I'll pass you guys LETTERS. YES, I've written letters to all of you (BETTER APPRECIATE IT AH.) 22nd hurry come... ...I'm missing you guys alrd. SHEEESH.

This post is dedicated to: Edwin Jiaqi Aaron Benjamin Luqman Arvind Shukrie Qianya Hafiz

2006-09-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

I'm lazy to update about the trip, so there:Cambodia trip
(And I got lazy editing the caption)
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.
.
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..uploading photos is taking forever(GRRRRR.), this is not the full album. 'till NEXT TIME. I'm flying off to kuching in another 5 hours time. And I haven't pack my stuff yet, GREAT :p

2006-08-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

Shit happens, AGAIN

I think I injured myself so often that a fracture/dislocated/sprain/etc now have..no effect on me already. Blame it on my own clumsiness. And when I whine to all my dear friends they will probably say the same thing ("AGAIN?! Okay what happened this time.") but I like whinning to them ^^ Sorta made the pain more bearable. This time is a 'half'-dislocation according to my sports doc. Self-explanatory. Which means I'M LUCKY that the bone did not 'pop' to the front but it did damage some of the tendon around my shoulder joint which explains the swelling. BOO HOO :( God sure have a sense of humour. I'm flying off in 2 days' time. SIGH and I don't wanna give it a miss. Hope the painkiller is strong enough. Jessica is my physiotherapist.

Jessica:When is your next competition?
Me:...um flying off on thursday
Jessica *stare at me*: WHERE?! 2 more days only!
Me:Yeah I know. Cambodia. Haha. I think I'll tape my shoulder
Jessica:CAMBODIA?!! *she's quite doubtful about the medical facilities over there
Me:Haha I'm going to the capital so I don't think it's that bad. Just hope that my shoulder won't pop out again, hopefully
Jessica:Don't let any tom dick or harry anyhow treat your shoulder okay. Worst case scenario bandage it then come back here for treatment.

Anyway she commented that I've low pain tolerance which is quite true. Kelvin and yen sun can attest to that. So IF I'll have to come back s'pore before I can receive treatment.. o_0?!! Maybe a morphine jab will do the job but then again.. I'm scared of needles and injections..Seriously.

2006-08-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

Pesta Sukan '06

Hullo blog MIA cos' of exams and stuff. I think not many peeps read my blog nowadays cos I don't update often which is good. Then maybe I don't need to create a private blog anymore

Anyway, besides the dislocated shoulder I think it's nothing much worth mentioning about maybe except WINIFRED IS BACK!!!!!!! xD I'm happy beyond words can comprehend. Cos' I've 1 more person around for me to bully. MWHAHAHAHA.

I think my school is stupid.
Only 4 weeks of holidays and term 3 will kick in, which is freaking 12 weekslong. Anyway I won't be in s'pore for around 2 weeks(31th-4th sept and 6-11th sept) Meaning I only have 2 weeks to play lol. Now you know why I'm complaining. So, friends book me now before I'm taken up HAHAHA I jest.

Okay I need sleep now cos' school is stupid. I've some nie talk by the dean of school of Psychological Studies at 8:45AM. o_o

I'm not enjoying my holidays so far :(

2006-07-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Maybe, I've made a mistake since sec1?

Maybe.

2006-07-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

Baybeats` o6!
www.baybeats.com.sg

Last night was a blast!! I shall let photos do the trick =D

Actually have more photos but I’m busy..and lazy (more of the latter lol) NEXT TIME. Be patient haha.

Ahhh and the Thailand trip photos, soon! But honestly, I don’t feel like blogging about it. Yes, I had fun and all, in fact it’s one of the best trip for me, at least. But people might start saying that I’m more enthu about shopping, having fun and stuff instead of the Competition. Oh well. HAHA. Kidding. Wth.

Anyway, I’m enjoying school very um much.
-2 WRITTEN TEST, NEXT WEEK
-2 PRACTICAL TEST, NEXT WEEK
-2PROJECT TO RUSH, NEXT WEEK
Aha, SEE.. And did I mention I’ve Semester Exams in less than 1months’ time? Whee. I love school. OH BOY.
In conclusion: SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS.

2006-07-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

don't you know the grass is greener on the other side

I don't know but I feel I was a much happier girl last year. At least I was a much better christian, a much better friend, a much better player, a much better...

Oh God.

2006-07-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

2006-07-13T05:53:00.000-07:00

Isn't overseas comp just exciting..you'll get to meet interesting people. (Hahaha!) Oh well

2006-05-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

Some friends are just there for a season

From my sis's blog:
"As much as after the season you tried to find them back, you would not be able to. When people drift, they usually do so with a velocity and is higher than the speed of realisation. You think that maybe, just maybe you can keep something so that both of you have some connection. However if the other party is unwilling, you can't stop the gap from widening. And when that happens, you have to acknowledge that yes, we are just mere aquaintances trying to be interested in each other's lives. When you have to try to be interested about another party's well-being, then well I guess you can be better off not trying at all."

How true.Sigh

2006-04-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

Reckless.

='( Sigh. Don't talk about it. And I think I was a bit disoriented today

Anyway, my time table sucks ='( I've classes till 5 almost everyday

Haha I think the only thing that make me happy today is wayne rooney and ji-sung park =D man united 2-0 arsenal =D

2006-04-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

XUANYI IS GG/OWN BY TODAY'S TRAINING!
Boys, is that how you use it?

Yes, Joce. Hahaha. I love you too! =D

Anyway, turns out we were both late. Lol. 'Inside man' is quite nice. The plot is great but it's a bit draggy. And whee, I had gelare ice-cream today =D Today is just a bit of catching up and bullshitting. He's still crappy and funnny as usual. Haha.

We did kataguruma today. Just kataguruma. But hey, it's tiring enough alright! I won't consider it as a tough training but it is just tiring. And now I've a bum on my head. And a bruise on my knee from god knows where.
Dang, I'm damn scared to commit. Some more must draft out your own training schedule and be committed to it. Vanessa will buy me ice-cream if I'm willing to commit to it. And it's a DEAL. EHH, I didn't do it for the sake of the ice-cream okay, seriously. I think it's more of the challenge instead. And ice-cream is not tempting enough for me to do it. Haha. Ohwell, I need a new gi. And I hate human ladder but I love my teammates.

2006-04-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

You are what I'm fighting for

I know..I'm dearly loved by the people that are 'flooding' my tagboard. That's why I'm blogging! Haha. Okay I'm exaggerating. It's just amazing to see my 2005 post in my blog, so I thought, yeah, I ought to do something. Haha. Anyway, I'm going back for training tomorrow!! *Gasp* Honestly, I'm damn scared la. I haven't train for 4-5months alrd. Die die die. What if my fitness is really so lousy that I'll just pass out while doing warming up?!! Sheesh. I really have to trust in God for strength for that. Anyway, I'll be meeting stanleyang before training to watch 'Inside Man' hope it's good. And I hope stan won't be late.

xuanyi says:
What happens if you're late.
Peace and hairgrease. says:
i will buy myself a drink for being rush
Peace and hairgrease. says:
lol
xuanyi says:
Biatch.

Oooooooh, I shall buy myself BEN & JERRY'S ICECREAM tomorrow to reward myself for going back for training =D WHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sometimes we can just be a little extravagant with our gifts =P Till' tomorrow!! If I..pull through tmr training..

2006-03-19T00:42:00.000-08:00

Kissy kissy seventeen

Don't blame me for the lack of updates! Blame.. Err.. Erm.. Nevermind. Haha. I wonder who still comes here anyway. On random notes..
1)I just turn seventeeen!! <3 (Which means I get to stay out after 11am =D Unlike you kiddos out there. Lol. Kidding.)
2)Skone gave me a surprise after service which is.. *touched*
3)Leesi can bake really pretty pretty and nice cake.
4)Hong Kong is expensive. But a shopping heaven indeed =D
5)China is boring. But things are cheap and fake =D
6)People from hk thinks that I'm 14 years old o_O?! I don't know if this is an insult or a compliment.
7)I'll upload the pics sooon!

Anyway,
I kinda miss playing judo with my batchmate and seniors. Looking back.. Except for sec1. I wasn't a good captain. Nor a good team mate. I skip training like nobody's business. Biatch. Send me some hate-mail. That will make me feel better and less guilty.
And now I skip national training. Hell I do miss my team mates of cos. But I really don't know if I should go back. I don't know if I can commit to all the trainings. I don't want to make mr koh or mr tan mad..or disappointed again. "If you can't commit to it, then don't." Sheesh. I damn scared. How. Buy me a mizuno gi and I'll go back straight away. Okay, I'm just kidding. But seriously, I really don't know how to be a christian judoka. I keep showing my coaches my bad pts. Obviously I s--- at it. Maybe I should change a sport. Email me if you have any suggection.

On another note..
I miss my students =( Especially those from bedok view secondary. Okay actually they aint my student. I'm just a resource to them..I don't know what's the relation. But but!! I miss them calling me "xuan yi jie jie" though they are only one year younger than me. I miss crapping and chatting with them. Even though it's only a short three days. I remember the last day of the camp, I was very sick so I wasn't there for the morning session. But still went to there after I went to see the doctor so as to see them throught the whole course..Cos they are the first batch that I spend all three days with =) And it just warmth my heart to know that some of the students about asking about my whereabout. Aww. And I realise there's quite a few christians there which I've fellowship with =) I seriously doubt they will get to see this.. But all the best for your O'levels guys!! I hope I'll get to meet them again, somehow..

WARGH. Bye.

2006-01-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

Every tear, His tear

(Adding to the previous post by the anonymous guest blogger..)
Just in case you guys are wondering why I'm going to Jurong such a ulu ulu place.. I'm going westwood secondary as Superteen resource! Basically Superteen is some motivational cum study smart course. It's usually catered for the graduating class day camp course. Thank God 1 more session of westwood and we will be off to the other schools. But seriously man, Jurong is really some stupid place :P At the rate I'm going, I'm way overspending of what I'm earning. Sheesh. When will I be able to save up enough for my Nano :(

Anyway, I've been busy not lazy! Haha. I barely even have enough time to rest. Each day camp is like 13 hours, 8a.m-9p.m. :( It's very hard to even just have a lunch or dinner to catch up with my friends. Sigh. But the satisfactory I get from the students each time is good enough :D And when you're a resource, the students sort of look up to you. When I'm actually the same age as them or just 1 year older :P Haha. It’s pretty fun working with young people. My Saturdays are usually burnt. with leaders meeting, prayer meeting, service and cell. It just kinda saps all your mental, emotional and physical energy..there goes my week. Haha.

On another note, I've been praying for a heart of flesh - so that I may love God's people as much as He does. I’m quite disgusted with myself :( Sometimes I really wonder if my actions are honouring God.. or even my thoughts. Here’s something to share.
The bus was packed, I was standing at the rear of the bus. I notice this disabled man who was only 1 or 2 metes away from where I was standing, he was slow at his speech. To cut the long story short, he vomited half-way through the journey which produced a very unpleasant smell. Although he was armed with a Plastic Bag but because the bus was jerking like nobody’s business (I would like to know why) he puke on his pants later.
I was quite disgusted at that point because the puke was all over him. I did nothing but to just stare at that guy as he tried to clean his trousers with Tissue Paper. There was a mid-aged
lady who sitting next to that guy. If you were the mid-aged woman, how you will react?
A) try to shift somewhere else and get another seat
B) alight at the next stop
C) Simply ignore all that.
D) Wanted to help but don’t know how to, so did nothing (I think that’s how I’ll react at that point.)
Behold, guess what! She did none of the above of what I’ve mentioned. She offered all her tissue papers to him! On top of that, she kept him company through the whole journey like asking if he’s alright, where does he live, etc. Many passengers in the bus keep looking back to check out the happening. What pisses me off was that bunch of teenagers and the pair of couple sited right in front of that man. Firstly, that group of teenagers (Sec1 or 2) mocked at him 0_o They keep looking back and point here and there and started laughing?!! Sheesh. Immature, indeed. Maybe I’m not mature enough to say that they are immature. Well okay, but it was really rude of them to do so. Next, that couple. When that man vomited, they hurried and shift to the empty seats. (?!!) Sheesh, again. Like c’mon, the puke aint going to get on them! But I’m quite sure that man feels really bad =\ I really don’t what to say. I’m surprise by some of their actions and feel really sad of what the world is becoming. We are all educated people, yet such nonsense can come from us. If this is education, as to laugh at disabled people or avoid them, I think moe failed great time. And as for me, I’m disappointed with myself as well. Seriously, I wanted to help but I just don’t know how to. But I guess, if I really have greater compassion for these people, I would do what ‘normal’ people would not do, like helping that man to clean up the or something? Hey, that’s what Christians would do. We don’t have wear a cross around to tell people that we are Christians. It’s by our speech and action that honour God, people would know that we are Christians. I’m still feeling awful from the incident.. :(

Exodus 15: 1-18
I will sing to the Lord, for He is highly exalted. The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him. The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name. Your right hand, O Lord, was majestic in power. Your right hand, O Lord, shattered the enemy. Who among the gods is like You, O Lord? Who is like You - majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling. You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of Your inheritance - the place, O Lord, You made for Your dwelling, the sanctuary, O Lord, Your hands established. The Lord will reign forever and ever.

Amen.

2006-01-17T05:55:00.000-08:00

Hi Im guestblogging again cos xuanyi is too lazy.

I received this msg on 16Jan 10.40am,

'(my name)!! I hate jurong. It took me 2 freaking hours to get to jurong. And I'm like some n00b this morning. I couldnt find bus 199 at the interchance and when i decide to take a cab I couldnt find the main road but when i finally did, the taxi uncle also another n00b!! Then it costs like freaking 7BUCKS totake me from jurong (east) to jurong (west). Im pissed.

Jurong is some stupid place.'

Its okay xuan, I still love you (:

2006-01-08T08:31:00.000-08:00

(From Lois's blog)

oh yes.yesterday at abt 1230.xuanyi asked me if she cld come over to my hse.den i said ok...and seconds after tt..huiting asked if she cld come over to my hse too.den i said ok..but then later she insisted tt i go over to her hse instead.like wt*?den i told her tt i'll wait for xuanyi to come over first then we will go over to her hse tgt.but she said cannot becos they r not in good terms or some shit cos they both think tt _______ is cute n they quarrelled.like wt* again?!den nvm.i said i'll wait.den 10 mins later xuanyi called me to tell me the taxi driver stopped her at blk 289B when my block is 288D den i was like....wt*?!isn't tt ht's place?den she said she cannot call ht.so i had to go down to fetch her.den when ive arrived downstairs....i called xuanyi..den she said she dunno somehow ended up on the 7th floor of 289B.den tt's when ive confirmed tt ive been tricked.they were both tgt right from the start la!hahah tsk.call themselves my friends.EH actually i alrd suspected right from the start lo.but im just too nice.but its alright i forgive u all.mcdonalds was a good enough compensation,xuanyi.

Isn't she so cute and.. gullible? Whoops. Lol.
But later I thought it was a little over board bcos' it's freaking 1230AM in the morning!! Besides, her neighbourhood is like damn quiet la..she came over bcos' she was worried about me (I hope) and after she came over and learnt that she was tricked, she didn't really complain at all, in fact, she thought it was funny. Haha. FRIENDS. Ahhh.. so touched. I love loisy =D

2006-01-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

God, give me more time.

2006-01-01T23:11:00.000-08:00

Xuanyi says HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Xuanyi spent countdown at shaun's place and she had alot of fun, I hope! (: We went to East Coast beach and saw fireworks which were really pretty & nice, even thereupatic. Xuanyi played lame games like squatting in the path of other's, hoping that they wld trip & fall so xuanyi will be pleased. Hahah but she tasted her own medicine in the end when Dew did the same thing to her!

So glad to have known you, girl. Much love. (:

2005-12-27T08:14:00.000-08:00

Hi world, Im guestblogging for Xuanyi whos too lazy to even reply tags!! She says changing her blog song is justified enough, but where got such thing one right??? Where got people go to your blog just to hear your blog song??!

Okay anw, Ive been threatened at knife-point to not mention about _____ because... Haha cannot say la otherwise Id be risking getting a kuramadskljfs (one of the judo moves) on me and then good game already lo. Well Xuanyi has been busy of late. Shes working at Corduroy and Finch, which is the cool & swanky restaurant at Sixth Ave, and on top of that! Shes gna be a camp trainer! (I think) So cool la, and she gets really good pay lo. $*000 for working * days.. Go figure! :D

Alright sorry dearest I cant think of much more to say! See you on Saturday and to the rest of the world: take care!!

2005-12-12T09:16:00.000-08:00

Pride and prejudice

Hi blog,
I'm back to revive you..haha. Tsktsk.
I finally realise that it's time for me to update.
Dreadful Os is over! Few months ago in fact. Lol.
And i guess maybe perhaps many are quite sick of 'bright lights' by matchbox2o that's repeating over and over again.
But nah. Not goimg to change it. One point being that i've long forgotten my iweb password and secondly, i simply love this song and the lyrics is beautiful. Too bad. Heh.
Life did quite changed a bit.
Let's not talk about what happened yeah? =)
But well, Jesus is still the same ytd, today and forever
So I'll still praise God during the bad times.
Anyway, still busy as ever.
With trainings..work.course.playing.church. Haha.

Training: It's is still the same. Same coach.. Same people. What to do. Haha. But i do hope lois and vanessa can join us next year. Whee.
I've new aspiration (for myself) in judo for next year! =D Do ask me about it. Online blogging is too dangerous. Haha. Well, can't reveal much here.

Coaching cum referee course: Absolutely boring. Lol. But i actually won't mind that jap coach coaching me though. I wish to start everything for the basic =D Anyway, caught up with Sir(Mr Tang). Nice as usual. Although he is quite..loud at times but there's a lot of things I must agree with him. I quite glad I'm under his club =)It's really a pity that he resigned as national coach..politics. Sigh. And I don't wish to be involved anyway. On another note, he told me that there will a team of japanese high school students coming for training next week =D Oh my goodness. Hope they will are able to speak proper english or something at least. But I still prefer older and more mature guys though. As in not high school ones at least. Haha. Maybe like the previous batch of uni japanese team. Like Danye or Takashi. Haha.

Edited. Without the extra faces. Lol.

Okay..the rest of them look gay except for danye(?)

Work: I got a job at corduroy and finch. Haha. It's at six avenue. Well, the pay is not bad for a 16-year-old, 6bucks per hour. (And my friend is one of the manager there or something. I got in through msn, w/o proper interviews! Lol.)

Play: Self-explanatory. Haha. Kayaking, chalet, supper, pool, late night movies, good food(all angela's fault..), etcetc.

Oh yes, I caught 'Pride and Prejudice' earlier on. It's incredibly nice and sweet..aww.worth the 7bucks.-grin One of the best movie I've watched..really. I'm not exaggerating. Haha. Well, Keira Knightley is quite pretty but whooooooa. Matthew Macfadyen is awfully charming!! =D My goodness. So is Stuart Townsend (my current eyecandy)who acted in 'About Adam'. Tee hee. Hmm I can't get to bed bcos I'm searching for the quotes in the movie. You'll probably like Lit after watching this movie. Lol.
Go watch it jan, I think you will like this movie very much =D

Dang. It's 4.19am in the morning and I've training at 9am later. Oh dear. I better get sleep. And Mr Tan told me there will be randoris. It's too good to be missed. Haha. I hope I don't..
Well. It's a pretty long post! That all folks, for now.
Toodles.

"You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. MY affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever." -Mr. Darcy
Oh man. I want to marry him! Haha. I don't think there is any more Mr. Darcy around in S'pore. sigh

2005-11-19T02:19:00.000-08:00

how fun, how fun. Im helping xuan to blog. its just so uncanny cos minutes ago I was just tagging and telling her to update. I didnt know shes so efficient, GIVE ME USERNAME AND PW TO LET ME HELP HER UPDATE AH WAAAH. psst, her username is xuanyi- and her pw is.. eh heh heh heh.
so anyway.. recently xuan has been a good girl. she has been studying, she has been optimistic, she has been irritating me. haha no lah. shes so quiet sometimes you wonder where she has gone. oh but you shld treasure these quiet moments, cos when she returns from God-knows-where, wah. you'd wish she had remained where she was. hyakhyakhyak, no la, kidding! :)
xuan has been.. a source of inspiration. personally, to me that is. I think she shows a stubborness to look forward no matter what, and isnt that an admirable quality she possesses? lets give xuanyi ONE CLAP! :D :D :D
xuan holds on to her faith so strongly. you know why? cos shes a judoka, and judoka's are strong. haha no la. its because shes sensible, and she knows how to trust in God when she cannot trust anything else anymore. lets give her ANOTHER CLAP! :D
she is also naughty. go ask her yourself. see how much she will tell you. haha. shes also not afraid to tell teachers what she thinks. which is.. good and bad. lets give her MORE CLAPS. :D :D
last but definitely not the least, xuan is a darling, a friend, a beautiful creation overflowing with kindness..
and here are my last words to/for her for now:

well, unfortunately I have no last words for you
because youve promised me,
we'll never part.

love love love, muakxXxx,
Peter I.N. Godfried

edit. ang xuanyi rocks. oohlala

2005-10-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

mark of cain

"I'm an outcast. Uneducated. And angry."
copyright:isa chong

i've decided to drop the last post before Os come haunting me. well well. guess what?i'm graduated!! [graduated=no more school.] theoretically, the graduates DO NOT have to come to school anymore. thats why i've been looking forward to this date ever since i was sec1. however, ironically, thats not the case. my school isn't letting us off. WHYWHY??!! and i'll see my oh-so-handsome physics teacher almost everyday starting from next week.*PULLS HAIR* WHYWHY??!! i don't mind geography. i won't mind emaths either. but why physics! no. why chiong S.P?!! WHYWHY?!! why can't they give us mr tan W.B instead? i mean he is definitely alot better looking that chiong. teaches well. did i mention that he was good-looking? whoops. actually, to be frank, i guess it's probably that chiong S.P that i detest. never mind. but graduation day was so sweet! so touching. i guess it makes a different when all your teachers sing "i dream" to you as compared to taufik huh. haha. but i guess that kinda mark the end of my secondary school life. i can't help but feeling a tinge of regret as i know i hasn't been a really good student =p ohwell. reminisce.
summary:
1.i was in the same as geraldine in sec1! sec3! sec4! so basically, i've seen her for 3/4 of my secondary school life. thats quite sad. haha.
2.i quarrelled with my lit teacher with i was sec1. i've never spoken to her/greeted her since then.
3.i was first in class in sec 1! lol
4.i became a psl when i was sec2. but i don't remember doing anything as a psl
5.when i was sec2, i hated the maths teaher. so as to 'protest', i deliberately
flunk my maths common test. 2/50. don't try that.
6.i pon-ed 1/2 year of judo training when i was sec2. i was playful. but somehow i was the sports girl of the year. and i still got my cca points
7.God sent an angel to me when i was sec2. she brought me to church. thats how i became a christian. but i've never really shown my gratitude. so there, thanks xueting (:
8.i played truant when i was sec3. i skip lesson. to go home and sleep.
9.i skipped 1 entire year of judo training in sec3. i was more playful this time. but i still got my cca points
10.i joined judo when i was sec1 cos i saw this cute instructor during the demo. j/k. i love judo. if not i think i've achieved nothing in this four years in school
11.i've pon-ned more than 1 or 2 months of school this year. my form teacher told the class she hates me <-sec4
12.i did not show any sportsmanship in this year national schools. which i've very much regretted. i'm sorry.
13.mr chia(principal) is my good friend. he can talk continuously for 4 hours.
14.i've accumulated more than 20+ demerit points in the first half of this year. cos i was late for school. but it was written off later.
15.i never really like school till ytd. this is a fact.

just nice. 15 pointers for a summary. haha. yes. i was a very rebellious student.
although i was a psl. well. i'm remorseful for the kind of impression i'm leaving with my teachers. whats more i'm a christian. i ought to be ashame. haha. if it's not of God's guiding hand, i'll probably be kicked outta school of smth. lol.
but i guess the best thing i can do is to be courageous enough to admit my mistake, learn from it, and be a better child of God (: cheers.

ohyes. sorry if i didn't reply any of yall sms. i didn't change my number. i'm just busy with the studies. and err. lazy to reply. haa. i'm still contactable through my phone! i'll be back in around 1mth time. God bless peeps.

see you next friday, colours

2005-10-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

i love. electromagnetic induction

hello blog.
life hasn't been manageable for me. but i thank God for that few friends that made my life more sustaining. perhaps i should thanks God intead? it's like a blessing in disguise, maybe. must be. haha. and i found my old friend ZOE. ping (!). my goodness. not my imaginary friend. but zoe. ahh..i miss that girl. ohwell. this is just a random note.

now read this.
i know bala secretly crush me. i know. and i got proof!! stole so many photos of me. i didn't know she is so infatuated with me until just now when she sent these photos to me. digging her own grave. haha. but i really didn't know she took those ugly photos of me. tsktsk.

SEE THAT!

zoe said that i'm fat. well, indirectly. zoe is not my friend anymore. haha

AND THIS.

it proves my point. haha. kidding. although i have no idea why she took so many photos of me (HAHA). but i still love her. (although i love alex more) she is my team mate afterall. and my friend. i miss training with her! slacking around (me). i miss going on a trip with her! gossiping (it's bala!!). tsktsk. see you after my Os! and joan.

toodles.

2005-09-29T23:05:00.000-07:00

summer of 2005

today's post will be dedicated to my brother-in-Christ who will be leaving for london tmr.

dreaful trainings. vietnam competition. festival of praise.
my goodness. i can't imagine those days without your encouragements, if not, i don't think i'll be able to pull through those atrocious trainings. haha. vietnam competiton, the care and concern you have shown. truly reflects a God's chaser character - Christ likeness (: you just amazes me sometimes. like how to return evil with blessings instead. haha. i'll exlain this to you other time. oooh. my vietanm fan. that vietnam boy. remember remember? haha. that was when you became my 'brother' and have to drink up that glass of beer for me. and i remember times when you skipped meals with me cos i've to watch my weight before competition. aww. haha. i count it as a God's blessing to know you (: the umpteen treats from you. or books. study session. 'brothers of grimm'. (lol) patiently listening to my rantings. helping me in my walk with the Lord. haha. and it's only like.. i've known you for less than 3 months? my goodness. how time flies. it's scary me. sigh. it's just a little upsetting about your leaving tmr. i can't imagine those terrible trainings that lies ahead of me without you around and maintain good relation with certain *coach. *look around* HAHA. but thankyou for these three months. i'm certainly looking forward to see you and niessa..(what's that thai girl's name again? lol) in hongkong next year. until then i won't quit the team. ahaha. cos i just found another motivation to train (: best of luck for your masters in london dear. may God's blessing and grace be with you always and forever. continue to grow in the Lord and fire for Him (: well..hope to keep in touch still via emails, i'll update you of any new boy. lol.

in God's love,
xuanyi

2005-09-29T00:37:00.000-07:00

everybody knows it hurts to grow up

this post might be abit contradictory and err. off..
my goodness. i can't believe i started mugging again. as in the pre-prelim pace like. really no life man. before i this, i was busy training everyday - no life. and now, studying everyday - equally no life. on top of that, i'm studying and eating and not training. best. ahaha. anyway, if i had a chance, maybe i'll choose not to be in the national team. training has taken up so much of my time this year and i've no time to spent time with my family. and friends. quite saddening. cos it turns out i fail at both. strained relationship with my parents and sister. drifted friendships. judo? ha. ha. being a national player, lost in school level. cool. and now the time i've left with, i've to study for Os. cynical eh. gosh. xuanyi you're such a loser. haha. blah blah blah. good thing God is still around whenever i'm feeling melancholic. and if God is for us, who can be against us (:

i want to be a sec.1 again. i want to be a white belt again.

2005-09-26T11:19:00.000-07:00

why the past is always better than the present

harloe, sorry that i went mia again. just busy mugging. and. mugging. sigh. physics was super hard. i prepared two weeks before the examination still can't take that demanding paper. and i was super sad and demoralise after that paper. cos i thought i was most prepared physics. turns out to be so disppointing. everyday i study, everyday i cry. no matter how much effort or how prepared i am for prelim, it's just that inadequate feeling about studies. sigh. i don't wanna study here anymore. trili, sponsor me to australia. haha.
my back is aching. strange. i hasn't been training. okay. i'm heading back to my books again. Os!! can't lose that pace..
Psalm 23. good day.

2005-08-31T03:10:00.000-07:00

memories of you.
so happening lately!
cos the japanese judo team is here!! =D
-eyecandy- haha.. really.
anyway, this few days i've..
1)went bowling with the japs
2)been to newton circles for supper with the japs
3)farewell party at changi beach resort with the japs
4)train with them. randoris+ochikomi+newaza
...
bet you girls are jealous alrd. lol
i shall post some of the photos i took with them soon! neiheh. buy me a mizuno gi and i'll give you their emails! hahaha.

hothot!!
I SAW MARK CHAY WHEN I WENT FOR PHYSIO THAT DAY AT SSC!! OMGOMG. swimmer's body. but his is.. WHOA. -drool. and he was just lying next to me =D that's why i love physio so much. i get to skip school and see hunks. lol.

anyway, i felt so relieved when the pesta sukan competition is finally over. phew. like i can officially go on a "study-break" now. but it's kinda sad too. cos it's like the last competition for this year. and and.. it's hard to let go. :( *pulls hair* contradicting, i know. but i'm really glad that God played a major role in this competition. cos before the competition i'm so afraid of the weighting-in and all the competition kinda stuff and i was telling God that i'm tired of all these..i don't know if i'm doing the right thing. or i've accidentally slipped outta God's plan. i just need so much assurance from Him. but throughout the whole competition, God have just been so real. and so close to me. to a point that i feel that He is just right next to me. i don't need what assurance, cos the assurance is God himself. that's what God can do when i put my entire trust in Him =D and by God grace, i manage to get that gold for Him, for His glory. entirely. (and since melynna wasn't able to compete) but that gold medal is really nothing to me. it's the proccess that really matters. i know that i've achived much more than that medal. so even if i gets a 2nd or 3rd or even nothing, i know i'm a winner in God's eye. cos i've won the battle between the devil and me.

oh yes. and after the competiton, i was talking to this group of nygh/hci judokas. haha! they are damn funny. hmm maybe cos national schools is over. which is a good thing i guess. to sum up the whole conversation, (quoted) "think you kinda get to hear how bad ______ sings, see how blur ______ gets, feel how strong ______ is!" haha. that sms came form one of their senior. and i know they read my blog, so i better not mention those individuals. lol. but it's really quite hilarious though.

bye people. whee. i won't be updating my blog very soon. as i'll be studying for prelims!! <3

2005-08-20T00:22:00.000-07:00

Do You Really Trust Him(God).

god knew best. god just asks us to wait. learn the patience and trust neccessary to wait for His perfect timing in all things.

i will wait
.
.
.

2005-08-06T14:40:00.000-07:00

i kissed dating Goodbye.
-by Joshua Harris

i'm impressed. so much conviction. go get this book. Joshua Harris is good. haha. someone please get me Boy meets Girl.

whoa. i'm back from vietnam! (five days ago actually..)
i'm a little disappointed..
why only trili tags me board when i'm away!! boohoo. nevermind.
sigh. and this vietnam didn't turn out as what i've expected.
but i'm glad this time God placed a brother-in-Christ along side with me =)
he got me the above mentioned book btw. heh.
anyway, the stuff there are damn cheap! but i didn't bring enough cash.-pouts
okay. this is just a short update.

so many events is coming up! i only realise that when i came back from vietnam. but i intend to mug during those public holidays! =(
argh. and i haven't confirm my team for biterace! hope susanta is able to help me get four more people..

Festival Of Praise!
hillsongs + planetshakers!
i'm definitely not gonna miss this one.
tonight and tomorrow! i'm going =D

anyway, i won't be able to update that often. prelims is here. and i won't take cab down to ri for trainings anymore. not mentioning national training. getting those cold stares and i don't know what from him doesn't make me feel welcome.

2005-07-27T02:30:00.000-07:00

the last hurdle.

last national team training was yesterday.
last overseas trip will be tomorrow - vietnam.
six days. xuanyi. please start packing

prelims is in 5o odd days..

.
stop agitating me. stop frustrating me.
argh. chill.. know that God is still in control.
in anger, do not sin.

Casting Crowns - Who Am I

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

this is another random post.

2005-07-21T01:43:00.001-07:00

i want to be the last to fall.
(okay la, thanks W. give her some credit. haha.)

anyway.
trainings! don't you just love it..
=D
newaza randori.
komikata randori.
randori randoris!
200 situps.
satisfied. =D
today's combined school training rocks! really.it's so far the best combined training i've been to. and hopefully everybody will turn up for the next session. but why three more trainings only?!! damn sad la..-pouts.
oh yeah! sorry sheralyn, sorry lois! not on purpose! don't tell alex ah!
okay. just kidding. lol.
but training was great, right? neiheh.

this is such a random post. but nevermind.
bye readers, i'm off to do qt now. (:

i know what i want to achieve and hopefully i'm on the right track now..

2005-07-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

from the way mr koh talk to me that day,
i think i will be kicked outta the team soon.
horay.

"..it's not a matter if you win or lose. it's how you win and how you lose..i know you're not gonna make it in 2005. but i see you as a gold medalist in 2007. you've got potentials. but you're just lazy. and if you don't train hard, i don't think you will even make it in the team before 2007.."

..judokas have their 'high' and 'low' periods, right
as in performance.
do they?
or is it just an excuse.

2005-07-09T02:19:00.000-07:00

finals! next tuesday.
haha. actually i didn't expect that from my team. i'm quite surprised, really.
sigh. i didn't perform well today! though i won all my bouts.. but as in i didn't fight very well. i'm so tired.
and i'm quite negative about playing nygh next tuesday. opps.
but i won't give up, don't worry.
at least last year my seniors still around..
reminisce. last year..
played a beautiful match against nygh and with a score of 3-1(1 draw) we got that challenge trophy. anyhow, i realised this is the 4th time my team got into finals. heh. whatever it is, will see those handworking ngyh girls next tuesday! no hard feelings ah.

oh yea. and i went for training right after today's competition. it's damn tiring i tell you. never try that. i almost died inside the dojo. don't know why. and bala so zai.. still can throw somemore. while i slack at one corner. and somebody came for his very first training after 3 years, endured through the whole training. even weilon rested can. stupid rk. great endurance.

tomorrow is sat! church! yay. and the weekends is finally here. something to look forward to, at least. national schools period will also be over soon! and i shall proceed on to mug.. prelims will be here soon.

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

2005-07-06T01:40:00.000-07:00

i'm a happy girl now. =D
cos mr tan talk to me today! and yesterday! and tomorrow!(i guess..)phew~
he is not angry anymore!-grin. mr tan rocks. lalala. so does today's training! 4.5km.
i still can't get over the fact that i lost..
anyway, this recent weeks have been rather eventful. tired to blog. i shall reply some of the tags here. since i don't like tagging my own board..

aaron & ray! ; hi daddy! hi black(or hot?)! lol. thanks for going out with me that day! batman, haha. "it's what you do that defines you!" thanks for being there too. it's really sweet of you, ray.-grin well see yall on sat! love.

anon ; err. hi anon! i don't know who you are! ahaha. but thanks fot the tag =) and i'll play my best for team event! watch out for me.. (you sound like someone..)

benjy ; hello benjy! thanks for the tag =) it's really nice of you. =) see you in ri soon! yayy.

emeline ; eme. all your tag so sweet. so nice. what more can i say. haha. thanks. and smile, you're with me =) you too cheerup kay?-hug

sheralyn. ; hi sheralyn.! it's really a pleasant surprise.-grin haha. moodswings? i've a 10sec. recording of my lousy match (with the courtesy of rongkai..) i can sent it to you. then you tell me if it's bad sportsmanship or moodswings. hmm see you on friday! =D

kai ; rongkai! stop playing games and study! lol. but thanks for that tag-grin talk to you soon =) tkcare.

and charles, thanks for talking to me that day. i'm feeling much better and enlightened! hahaha. you too cheerup alright? just let it come.. everything will turn out just fine. tkcare.

happy birthday trili! sweeeeet sixteen! =D

2005-07-03T02:05:00.000-07:00

to that nygh judoka that i played with (for 3rd placing):
i'm sorry for not showing any sportsmanship. and i admit that i wasn't serious when i was playing with you. but, i'm REALLY sorry. hope to play with you again for team. trust me, it will be a good bout.

and my apology also to all judokas who watched That bout. respect your opponent. and please do to drop me a tag.

national schools individual. a great disappointment.
not only to myself..
my school teachers..
fellow team mates..
all my coaches..
(even mr tang)
and esp. mr tan..

sigh. i'm sorry.

but why issit such a big issue?
i know i should have respect my opponent. but..
like so many people start talking about it. so exaggerated.
and there's this ex-national player (ex-nygh/hci judooka) start bitching to my senior about me. then my senior have to apologise on my behalf..
"i'm sorry for the unexpected attitude my junior have shown."
ohh thanks. then later she said that she was just pissed off at that point. everything is okay now.

actually a couple of coaches and seniors talk to me ytd. they are really out there for me. but i really feel like shit at that point. like melvynna, mike, mr tang, mr low, weilon, etc.
things like..

"it's only when you lose, you will learn right? it took me four years before i got my first gold medal."
"don't give up so easily. physical strenght may be important, but mental strenght is more important."
"you're not a quitter! good judoka never quits. just play your game, show them who's the boss."

mr tang is actually quite a nice coach.
why so many people dislike him?
though i lost to his player, he consoled me and said many inspiring + motivational stuff to me.
and he offered to buy me lunch (!)
so nice right..

but some were rather infuriated with me, and didn't want to talk to me.
then i guess mr tan is really angry with me this time, or rather disappointed.
and i know i've put him in a very difficult position.
i apologised to him.. but he said..
"how many 'sorrys' have you said to me? how many times have you thanked me?"
i was speechless.. he have done far too many things for me. corrected me so many times.
but for now.. i don't really care if i'm going for any overseas competiton, i just want mr tan to forgive me. sigh
but i can't believe i'm ruining my future this way.
an act on impulse.

[random thoughts..]
enjoy judo or achievements.
choose.
rjc or hci?

back to the competition..
my first two matches were pretty easy for me, two ippons? so i guess i gets complacent.. but i'm not proud! :( maybe i wanted that gold medal so badly that i was pressurizing myself so much in my semi-finals. but imagine the whole crowd were like watching your bout, so many people shouting. my coaches. judokas. even school teachers. i can't perform.
and i lost by what? golden score? and it's a koka btw.. not thrown, but shido. at that point, third placing to me is nothing. so for the next bout, i didn't like "play" with my opponent properly. and i let her throw. not excuse. seriously. everybody could see. pretty obvious. obviously all these coaches 'lectured' me right. duhh. all along, (from sec1-4) getting into finals or getting a medal in a competition is common to me. it's like the basic requirement.
so.. this year's national schools will be my first competion that i'm leaving w/o a medal.
first.
it's okay. there's always the first.
xuanyi don't always win.
c'mon, put yourself together
gear up for the team event!
defend the B'division champion title!
this time, i'll show everybody great sportsmanship and i'm a good judoka-i don't quit.

i really learn a lot through this competiton.
i felt so stupid. like i need some non-christians to remind me of stuff like "sportsmanship"?
i felt like i hasn't been a good testimony for God. when i show them them my lousy attitude and not respecting my opponent..

lastly, my apology to all my friends out there who tried to get me today. sorry for all the missed calls, sms-es that i didn't reply. i'm okay, not to worry.

God, please take away my pride. let me be so humble before you. all glory goes to you alone. and let me be a good testimony for you. amen.

even the best fall down sometimes

2005-06-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

that previous post was trili -.-
she came back two days ago. (nightmare!)
and being a good friend, i've spent or rather wasted two days of the last week of my holiday with her. hahaha. j/k. i love going out with her. heh. and i guess i'll be meetng her again later! joce birthdat party. tee hee. whee. see you later babe (:

anyhow.
i bet judokas from my weight category must be damn happy to see this:
i'm not able to compete in the coming 39th national schools judo competition.
reason?
i sprained my ankle. and it's so swollen that i barely can walk.
how?
i fell down. tsk.
i don't know whether to laugh or to cry. sigh.
but i shan't go on ranting about my bloated ankle or not able to compete though i really want to clinch a individual gold badly :(
just hope that my school coach won't scream at me.
and mr tan will kindly allow me to take this 2 weeks off national training.
but still sent me for the 2 coming overseas competition.
neiheh. possible?
..i want to train and slack at the same time.
grace! let's join gym! hahaha.

TRILI ROCKSSSSSSSS!

2005-06-22T01:46:00.000-07:00

my name is ang xuan yi.
i have a swollen ankle.
oh no, its really painful.
but you know something?
let me tell you a secret.
i like to eat cheese roti prata.
i like banglas too.
oh yes, i like trili too. i adore her.
her dazzling smile, and captivating eyes.
oooooh, so sexayeeee. hmmmm.

i think trili is so gorgeous, yesyes.
my ankle hurts like mad,
all the blood gushing out.
like how the river flows.
as the river flowed,
my tears did too.
boohoooooo.

tears flowed down my cheeks.
the salty, clear tears cascaded down my cheeks.
my dirty, crimson blood poured out of my ankle.
oh, the pain. oh, the agony!

then, i met trili.
and all was fine.
all pain disappeared.
all agony vanished.
the sun shone again.
there was a rainbow in the sky.
why?
because...
trili was there.

oh, her beauty.
oh, her voice.
oh, its her!
the gorgeous, magnificent, alluring, captivating,
pretty, pulchritudinous, pizzazz, resplendent, beautiful
princess :)

she cheered me up.
she lit up my day!

oh, how i adore her :)
thankyou trili for such a wonderful day.

2005-06-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

2005-06-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

happy 14th birthday Emeline!

anyway, i've uploaded the pictures for the korea competition.
byebye.

2005-06-08T23:21:00.000-07:00

boo. i'm blogging over here at korea. heehee. so many things to talk about.. but not now. and i'll upload the photos once i come back to singapore. interesting. all the stuff here so cheap, but nothing to buy :( all imitation. lol. internet cafe so cheap. 1000won=S$1+ per hour. ohwells. i'm using the internet cos we got no where to go. eleven++ now over here. me and peicheng(puiseng) finished our competition today, so we don't hafta sleep early. so we wondered around and finally settled down here.
Jikji Cup International Junior Judo Tournament. today was the matches of men: -81kg, -90kg, -100kg, +100kg and the women: -48kg, -52kg, -57kg.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT! during the weight-in, THE OFFICIALS MADE ALL THE GIRLS TAKE OF THEIR SHIRTS & SHORTS. so.. but the weight-in took place in a room, all girls. but still.. urgh. maybe i'm just not used to it. on a lighter note.. i lost 2.5kg just by not eating and drink little one day before. i'm like the lightest in my catagory. then i feel damn weak. sigh. went to the competition area. wow. it's like super big la. and the whole building is for Judo only. cool. first bout against indonesia. peicheng(captain) told me that indonesia quite strong. lalala. nevermind. my initial plan is just to stay in the tatami(judo mats) for more than 1 minute. neiheh. some goal la. then.. guess what happened! by God's grace i won the first round o_o shock right? singapore usually get thrashed like nobody's business except the senior batch..
okay okay.. i gtg. i'll continue when i got home. anyway nat, i'll reach changi airport terminal 1 at 1830.-hints Korean Air. byebye.

2005-06-05T02:58:00.000-07:00

i guess this will be my LAST post before i go korea. i'm seriously not looking forward to it.
evident #1: i have not packed my stuff yet!
evident #2: i've not put on the s'pore flag on both my gis!
evident #3: "where is my passport?"
tsk tsk. i'm like leaving tomorrow. and i've national judo championship in the morning. i really should get packing soooon. oh yes, auto-raoming or prepaid card can't be used there. different network. so dumb. i'll get PHONECARDS then. urgh. i feel so discouraged by mr koh that day. some national coach. and i know i've disappointed mr tan that day. last training. i'm sorry, mr tan. sheesh. and according to mr tan, he says that i give mr koh the immpression that i'm lazy. o_o have i not trained hard enough? hmm.. maybe i have not done so. or i slack too much. haha. *look around*

"since when is winning ever enough. since when is trying hard ever enough."
-Coach Carter

maybe i should take national team training more serious now. maybe i should try not to be late for training. maybe i start training hard. but that's all maybe.. just play judo for fun!

i missed girls training camp. mr tan ask me to go for the guys training camp. vicki is going too..

i'll be back soon.

2005-06-02T00:19:00.000-07:00

i think i can easily hit 1000 push-ups record per weeek if i continue going late for mr tan's training. two morning training, 600 push-ups i've done. (that is, 300 push-ups each time you're late) *pulls hair* that is so.. coach carter.

i finally talk to trili that day, she called me!!
i miss her. i'll see you soon, babe.
(anyway, here's a converstion between me & her when we are talking about..)

me: she is so pretty! and tall!
trili: really? how tall is she?
me: er.. not sure. i think around my height.
trili: your height?!! tall meh?

so nice of her right. can't wait to see her.

i'm still sick.

2005-05-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

looks like i'm going to the examination hall tomorrow with this 38.6° fever. good luck to me.

good luck to those taking chinese Os, too.
especially alexi, josh and weiming.
don't worry (:

i shall reply some of the tags here.

natalie
hi nat. don't worry, i'm better now (: i realised you and joy will always be behind me, althought we don't see each other often. really appreciate it girls. thanks alot love.

trili
22 more days, babe. i'm so excited (!) i'll sms you everyday till then woman =D haha. why unfair? why slap him.. which 'him' btw. i'll see you soon. tkcare *hug*

emeline!
where are you pretty! i miss you. looks like i'm MIA, again. sigh.

jggrnaut/josh
good luck for chinese Os. yay.
p.s you can DRAW. got potential

joeyee
hi joeyyee. thankyou, girl. really sweet of you. see you soon.

yashan
hi yashan. yes, i've lotsa commitment ): sigh. national training is a killer man. monday to friday. especially mondays. maybe you should come down some day.

2005-05-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

i ponned school today. again!
to study for Chinese Os. sigh
five more days..

on a random note:
11 more days to national judo competition!!
thus, 11 more days for me to lose weight. sheesh. and i must get top TWO placing. mr tan's order. i'm so pressurized la. plus yeeling is in my category o_O this greatly reduces the possibility of me getting into finals. oh yes! who did i played with during combined school selection?i can't remember her name.ahwells. playing Under -52kg(cosidered light-weight) doesn't seems to be a problem for me last year. as in i don't hafta lose weight and stuff. okay enough. i hafta lose weight anyway, for the korea competition. drop me a tag if ye want anything from korea.

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

happy birthday abby !

2005-05-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

plain and simple.

thanks Pretty :) *thumbs up
haha.yes, i'll study chinese later.
-know why?
if i don't get an A1 for my Chinese Os,
i owe her a treat -.-
at....... Swensens.
mug mug mug..press on.
Seven more days..

updated.21:19
Chinese Sucks.so many words.i really wonder how my sister got A1 for both chinese and higher chinese *pulls hair*
urgh.and i'm still down with fever.
still sick.
still tired.
still aching.
(i realise i hasn't been talking much about judo or judo training nowadays.gonna be a long one.here it goes..)
two weeks of intensive training.
weights.newaza.ochikomi.blah blah.
what a monster i'm becoming (!)
i think my arms are getting bigger.i don't want!
oh no.oh no.i'm desperately trying to tone down my muscles.

xuanyi:"Mr Tan, I don't want anymore weights training."

Mr Tan Yi:"What's wrong with big amrs?You can end up like Mr Koh (:"
-laugh

thanks ah.i'm a girl.and i still want to play light weight.
anyhow,i teach you how to get cool abrasion on Both your elbow.
-wear a judo gi and do the following exercises on judo mats(2m x 9)
(from yeeling's blog)
national trg programme - newaza

warm-up
stretching
12 laps of front pull
12 laps of 'prawn'
12 laps of reverse 'prawn'
10 laps of side hop (5 each side)
10 laps of 'using the shoulder to move backwards'
Xuan yi broke down today. i think she's burn out. but it's alright girl. u've finish all the above workout. Endure!!!

it's the first time i'm doing all these la.i think when i was doing the 6th or 7th lap of reverse 'prawn' i started tearing already.i cried.lously me.i need to take national training seriously from now.

school training is getting sucky nowadays.i think judokas in my school is getting complacent.so what if we got champ last year?with the attendance now, we can't even form a team.pathetic right.and Mr Low(my school coach) hafta beg me to get people back.no way.they don't come for training and i hafta beg them to come back, so that we can at least form a team.wth.i rather the school not to sent in any teams.somehow medals is all that's matter to him now.lousy school.lousy attitude.lousy captain(me).that's why i've been going Mr Tan's rg /ri training now.and skip school's training =p
on a lighter note..
talking about rg training.bala sure do have a way to motivate the team ;) good job!
don't worry, you're really a good captain.good luck for nationals!thrash nanners! LOL.hmm yeeling does make a good coach ;) ohh, if it wasn't of yeeling, i don't think i can pull through this two weeks of national training :) thanks woman.
please tkcare of your injuries.ahh..i've fun training with them.at least better than my school's training.nice people.great attitude and determination.train hard girls.

okay.that was random.
i hate school.
-back to my books

I can't stand to Fly, I'm not that naive

2005-05-11T01:42:00.000-07:00

Since I've the time, I shall blog. No school tmr =)
Put God first.
Pray and Fast.
Patiently wait upon God.
Power of God.

I guess those few words really taught me a wonderful lesson.

Saturday. God really uses people and circumstances to Speak to His people, to get them back. If you draw near to God, God will draw near to you. Especially those who procrastinated and withdrawn from Him. It feels good when people pray for you and it Hit right on the Spot? God is awesome, isn't He?

Service wasn't like any other Youth service.
It have always been my prayer to see a breakthrough for the MegaLifers.
Reconciliation, may it be Man with Man or Man with God. Awesome time of worship, I can feel Sweet Presence and the Annointing of God is there, I can feel my Spirit is so engage with God, after so long. Thankyou, Father. It all ended with a song that goes like this:

Let us be one voice that Glorifies Your Name
Let us be one voice declaring that you reign
Let us be one voice in Love and Harmony
And we Pray oh Lord grant us Unity

Friendship have been fostered, Strong Bonds have been built, God is our Foundation =)

*And Thanks abby(Loh), for helding my hands when praying =) It broght a immediate Warmth to my Heart =) Reconciliation, reconciliation.

A few months back, somebody asked me this question before.
If i were to ask you this question: "Is Jesus your Best Friend?"
Can you give me a definate -YES?
I'm proud to say "Yes" now. Sorry it took me so long to realise that. Surrendering, trusting Him every area of your life is not easy. Putting God as your #1 isn't easy. But you gonna try at least?

On a lighter note..

Oh, I realised that I've skipped 3weeks of training. I'm finally back today. So fun, so tiring. But it feels good wearing the gi again =) So it's comfirm I'm going Korea? er. I can't really say I'm happy. Maybe I'm not even happy. 6-10th june. That means I'll miss church camp? Leaders Camp? But I'm in the committee! I need a breaK! I want to go for youth camp! I want to see God's glory. argh. Miss Ang, decisions decisions. But I've already decided. However, it seems like I don't have a choice. Hi Korea, here I come =( Four weeks to train, four weeks to lose weight. I'm so sad. I'm so going to miss my church friends, and the STEPS committee. urgh. -shakes head
"Oh God, i pray that you will sent me assurance as to where i'm suppose to going. Where you want me to go, i'll go, i'm willing to go. Your will be done, not mine. Amen."

"Say it only when you mean it."
Hmm what my daddy told me just now is quite true. I've realised if you say 'i love you', 'i miss you' or you calls people 'dear' 'love' 'darling' too often, it seems so insincere. Like you're saying that just for the sake of saying, you don't mean it at all when you say 'i'm always there for you' and all that crap, it only shows what a fake person you actually are, go away. Say it only when you mean it..

This entry is pretty long huh. But let me summarize the upcoming events:
-19 more days to Chinese Os [30th may]
-25 more days to National Judo Championship [5th june]
-26 more days to Korea Competition [6-10th june] anybody wants to sent me off?
-26 more days to MegaLife youth camp!-STEPS CAMP- for those lucky people who is going.
-52 more days to National Schools Individaul Events. [30th june]

and now Nationl training increases from twice per week to FIVE times per week, good luck to me =)

okay, i'll update other time i guess.

JOEYEEROCKS.

2005-05-06T08:43:00.000-07:00

hello i'm xuanyi
today i went to ps alone to get my shoe because DEAREST EMELINE didn't want to follow me to get my shoe :(
i felt so alone & rejected okay
that horrible dearest emeline, tsk
in the end, THEY DIDNT HAVE MY SIZE.
i was so sad, i broke down and cried till i flood the whole world & drowned emeline
and because emeline drowned, I WAS SO HAPPY
i laughed & dranked up all my tears again, saving the world's population.

OKAY. THAT WAS SO LAME!
sorry, im in a siao mood today. :)
heartland with geraldine
she looked inside yoshinoya & started laughing cos this bung was staring. LOL.
okay in the end we ate at thai express, cos the buffet at sakae only started at 1500pm & geraldine needed to go home.

okay, that's the end of my day today. :)
oh & i saw - !
IT MADE MY DAY. :)

emeline is very mean, cos she didn't reply my sms & nor did she call me
also, she didnt want to follow me to ps
I HATE HERRRR
i will not talk to her tmrw, i don't care
pffts. after what she's done to me.
ROLLS MY EYES AT HER.

good day. :D

2005-05-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

running the race

whoot.i just came back from a run..finally.
taking time off my busy schedule just for a jog.
but it feels good (: spending time with myself & God.
so tranquil, quiet
anyhow, i feel so stupid today
i jog all the way to my destination to meet someone
(which i didn't in the end.)
procrastinated..then i didn't bother to.
thought i was already at --- international school.
so in the end, i didn't get to meet anyone.
cos' that particular person is _____(fill in the blank)
and so, i decided to jog back home.
then i had muscle cramp,
"OHH!" i realise i forgotten to stretch/warm-up before i start
no ez-card.no money.
i walked home in the end.what a day.
um i need a new pair of oasis running shoe

\geraldinee

woman, it's not SUPPOSE to be BANANA muffins!
YOU know that very well.
you were complainning about the long interval
so i decided to be nice and get you something the next day
you so mean to me, it's BUTTER MUFFIN AND -- MUFFIN
enough ah.haha.anyway, we willl catch up soon la..hopefully.
you know i've held down by so many things lately.
plus mid-years.no joke.we will go out soon okay?
i miss the time we used to have.hope it's not lost.

\trili

i miss you la.faster come back.
i thought of you when i was jogging just now.
i still have your pretty photo thought (:
i wanna stayover at your house.
i want late night supper
i wanna talk to YOU
come back to sInGapOre soon okay?
i promise to buy you BANANA muffin, and no milk (:

\shawn

you purposely give in to me in some silly online game to cheer me up
thought you still win in the end, cos' i lously at these kinda games la.
ownage.gg.double-kill.whatever la.
haha.thanks for the effort (: and the strawberry milk.
sorry i hasn't been replying your sms.
but don't worry, i didn't reply other people also.
well, most of them in fact.i'm better now, thankyou (:

\natalieyeo

thanks so much for sms-ing me before my papers
but sorry for not replying
it still hurts nat, too many highs and lows recently
hope i'll be able to talk to you soon ):
i miss you

\vanessa
thankyou so much for the sms that day
sorry that i didn't reply
you're so sweet
yes, i'll scream at you on sat
iloveyou, woman
(i still owe you snapple)

\somebody

i'm really glad everything is back to normal now..i think
i'm sorry about yesterday's sms.
don't hide anything from me okay?
i'm keeping to my promise, so don't worry much
by God's Grace i can/will overcome this myself
love.

I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found
I'm getting to love the thought of having you around and
I will never let you down
Verve Pipe, The - Never Let You Down

2005-04-27T03:09:00.000-07:00

i'm in distress..
what's wrong..please tell me what's wrong.

1)stawnberry milk doesn't make me happy-failed
2)chocolates?no..they only makes you fat-failed
3)geraldine far to busy..-failed
4)jogging..sweat.sweat.-failed
5)----- hasn't seen him for many days-failed
help.me.

i'm in a mood for survey.got this from..er.somewhere, can't remember.

[what is your full name]ang xuanyi
[nickname] xuan
[bday] 17th march
[age] 16 !
[sex] female..and i'm straight.
[where you live now] s'pore
[siblings and their ages] 1 OLDer sister, 18
[do you get along with them] ..ohwells.
[pets] a bitch..i mean a female dog
[bedtime] 2/3a.m
[hair color] black
[do you wear contacts or glasses] contacts
[do you have any piercings] nope.i'm scared..
[scars] ..judo rocks.
[height] 161.5 cm. hello, geraldine :D
[Do you wear any rings] true love waits ring.19..19..
[met someone new] um i want a new boy.neiheh
[cried] ..seldom, right.
[wore a skirt] i'm not a bung..so yes.
[how are you today] distress.
[wearing] adidas jacket+shirt+raffles shorts.
[thinking about] ..why am i doing this.-shrug
[what does your hair look like at the moment] ask my sister
[what song are you listening to right now] only one-yellowcard
[what was the last thing you ate and/or drank]H20..i'm craving for emeline's sandwiches.
[last person u talked to on the phone] i can't remember..shawn?
[what time is it] 01:54a.m

` DO YOU BELIEVE IN
[yourself] haha.i've got low self-esteem
[friends] people just come and go..but yes, some.
[best friends of the opposite sex] yups..i do.if fact, better.
[santa claus] used to, not after 9.when i discovered it's actually my parents buying the gifts.can i still believe, please?i want ipod..digital cam..new phone..new boy
[angels] yeah (:
[ghosts] nope..there's only spirits.wrong term.
[God] YES I DO, JESUS IS REAL.awesome..

` MORE ABOUT YOU
[what are the last four digits of ur phone number] 3974
[how do you eat an Oreo] i don't eat oreo now.after learning that it contain trans fat=unhealthy fats.according to my sister
[if you were a crayon what color would you be] green (: so cool.
[have you ever almost died] i was almost drown when i was seven.
[what's the best advice ever given to you] "tears washes your eyes so that you can see better"
[have you ever won any special award] mostly all judo..national colours.nothing interesting
[worst sickness you've ever had] flu! now..go away.
[what's the stupidest thing you have ever done] doing this stupid survey
[what's the next CD you are going to buy] no $$..my allowance got cut half this week ): not fair.
[what sport you hate the most] judo..surprisingly.
[place for a dream house] heaven
[how many kids do you want to have] never thought of that yet.
[have you ever broken/fractured a bone] of cos..like i said.judo rocks.three fractured collarbone.more to come (:
[what are you most scared of] God.i love and fear God..and my sister, ohlala.
[how many tv's do you have in your house] two.
[do you have your own tv?] nope.my room too messy..
[do you have your own phone line] handphone?
[do you sleep with a stuffed animal] nah..but my 18 year old sister does =p seriously.
[are you shy] YES, i'm a introvert.just ask my friends..
[are you outgoing] depending who i'm out with..also, refer to the previous question.
[who is the loudest friend you have] ..can't think of any.
[who is the quietest friend you have] probably me..i'm a introvert.ahaha!
[who looks the worst in the morning] kohmeiling (my form teacher) that b****.she look worst any time of the day.
[who's the messiest eater] geraldinechang..can't blame a 3 year old kid.sigh
[who's the slowest eater] i'm not a very observant kinda person.
[who is the 'mom' outta your friends] aaron, cos he is my mommy."he" nags alot..sigh.poor me.ohh, and natalieyeo (: too.
[who is the funniest] i've alot of weird + funny friends..poor me.geraldine.stanley.ray.josh.emeline.abby(only when she sings..)
[who do you go to for advice] guess?correct!natalieyeo yingwei (: and shawn/aaron. also depending who am i close to..
[who do you think about most when you're not happy] depends on the situation..
[who do you cry with] myself.
[what's the best feeling in the world] when you know that you've impacted somebody's life.great (:
[when's the last time you cried] ..yesterday ):
[is cheerleading a sport] why not..even chess club is considered.
[root beer or dr. pepper] strawberry mike of cos..what's the question?
[vanilla or chocolate] chocolate!but they makes you grow fat.. .. ..how.
[love or lust] love (:
[silver or gold] money ): my allowance..half.aye.no joke.why..sigh
[what's your favorite color] green (: and grey..
[what's your favorite band/singer] any christian band/singer
[favorite song] never let you down-verve pipe
[do you like to sing in the shower] when nobody is at home..LALALA
[cried during a movie] yeah.
[had a crush on a teacher] nope.no hot male teacher around.so sad.i wanna transfer school.
[had a crush on a girl] yups..but not anymore now of cos.
[what is the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning] i'm dreaming..-go back to sleep.

` PREFERENCE
[sleep on your back, stomach or side] side
[adidas, nike, or reeboks] nike (:
[bridges or tunnels] tunnels..usually dark.whahaha..
[one pillow or two] nineteen.how about that..i just like that number.
[salt or butter flavored popcorn] why no sugar-ed one
[fizzy or still water] still.
[Red wine or white wine] do they have green?i like green.

` When was the last time you...
[Took a shower] an hour ago.
[Got a real letter] in class today.
[Hugged someone and who?] too many to list..
[Kissed someone] whoosh..not telling.
[Called someone and who] shawn, my bestie (: i got a miss call from him earlier
[Missed call from someone and who?]today, 18:49:57 weikian
[Missed someone and who?] not telling..public blog..neiheh.

` What is your...
[Good luck charm] i don't have one
[Bedroom like] clothes..books..papers..cds..letters..gifts..everywhere.so neat.
[Favorite Breakfast food] waffles!
[Favorite lunch food] none.
[Favorite dinner] sandwiches!-stare at somebody
[Favorite day of the week] thursday friday saturday.
[Best thing that happened to you today] read someobody's blog.i'm glad (:

` PICK ONE: THIS OR THAT
[lights on/off] off..dark.neiheh.
[sun or rain or snow] rain
[do you like scary movies or happy movies better] scary..but i want to be happy.
[on the phone or in person] phone, shy.
[chocolate or white milk] strawberry mike (:
[hugs or kisses] both!maybe hugs..makes sad people happy
[cake or pie] sandwiches
[day or night] night

` YOUR FAVES
[candy] gummy bear.trust me..makes sad people happy
[cartoon characters] ..i don't watch cartoons.spongeboxsquarepants rocks!
[sport(s)] jogging and judo..
[favourite movie] hitch.
[tv show] i don't watch..no time.sigh
[ice cream] strawberry rocks.
[subject] geograohy..believe me.i love my geog teacher.
[favourite month] june?i don't know why..gonna be real busy, but fun (:
[favourite number] 19! there's a story behind it..
[favourite person to talk to online] josh.shawn.aaron..why all guys.sigh (natalie always appeared offline when she is online spying on me.) ohh, and TRILI, sorry girl.almost forgotten.

` HAVE YOU EVER
[cut your hair yourself] cool..i'll try.
[been on stage] yeah.
[ever thought an animated character was hot] my mommy's gf
[kept a secret from everyone] yeah.i do keep alot of things..in fact.
[been in a car accident] nope.
[drank] yeah..opps.not any more now.
[smoked] nope.never..i hate smokers.
[broke the law] jaywalking.i'm sure lots of people are guilty of that..
[ran from the cops] nope.
[made yourself cry to get outta trouble] i do, but it's useless.sigh
[tried to kill yourself] i tried to suffocate myself by not breathing.obviouly not successful.but later, i realised you can't suffocate yourself by just not breathing.try?
[made your self throw up] nope.
[ever been in love] yes. -grin
[loved someone so much it made you cry] that's obsession..serious crush.i was naive at that time!

2005-04-25T00:21:00.000-07:00

maybe, it's better if we let go?

2005-04-23T08:44:00.000-07:00

HELLO XUANYI YOURE BESIDE ME NOW & I KNOW YOU WANT ME :D
You better go home soon okay, its um SO LATE :)
Hahaha. I shall send you to the busstop :D
Im so nice, yay.
But i know you won't allow :(
Tsk, okay I LOVE YOU
Those two wants you but i know you only want me :D
-HUGS TIGHLY.

2005-04-12T00:09:00.000-07:00

tired.

2005-03-27T03:59:00.000-08:00

(i really dont wanna update)

it's 3:54a.m and i can't get to bed(!)

nothing much happen this week
but i manage to
catch up with alot of people,
made new friends,
talk to my sister,
laugh.

i had a really nice talk with
my sister just now
though it's..less than 30minutes?
it's sufficient.really.
especially when things are not going right
i couldn't exactly remember the
last time we actually talk?
(i doubt she reads my blog so..)
i love huiying.
my only sister.
though i know she is holding back alot of stuff
but i won't demand her to open up
i won't repeat that mistake again
time will do.

`Good Friday.
Jesus died on that very day.
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
Jesus cried out to God.
and that's also my prayer.
God didn't answer any of the above two.
but..God have His reason.
Jesus have to go through
pain, humiliation, suffering -Crucifixion
He chose the nails-He obeyed
"It is finished."
and He Resurrected on Easter Day.
Heaven, a wonderful place.
no pain,humiliation,suffering,no TEARS.
and the devil can't be there.
i admired at God's wonderful plan and creation.

"Is what Jesus have gone through nothing compared to what i'm going through?"
that's not the way, xuanyi

i wanna stand firm, strong
bcos' of what my Father have done for me
and i wanna see him tremble
GO AWAY, you loser.

shaun told me to rebuke those kinda thoughts
what he said about the devil is true.
that's what that devil have been telling me.
i'm scared, i stumbled.
i begin to hallucinate..
not good.

i'm sorry to doubt about You,Your promises, Lord.
i repent and rebuke those thoughts in Your name,
please forgive me.
replace those anger/disappointment/emptyness
with Your grace/peace/love/YOU
thank you, i love you, Lord.
amen.

i realise that i'm beginning to
keep more things to myself..
not that i'll reveal much in my blog
to my friends..i'm tired.
(i don't wanna get started on this again..)
ohwells.

i really had fun on friday.
didn't recall having so much
fun ever since the st nicks girls
did the funny dance?
-stare at nat\abby\joy\nicol
and abby's singing.
meomories.
area gathering.
it's pretty much enjoyable.
i was in the committee.
the committee is cool i tell you
alexi,he did most of the stuff !-guilty
josh,stupid metrosexual,made me walk and run so much with him
geraldine,-ahem- GS!
sam,AOB-any other business, GS
-get it?
nehmind.
i can't believe i went to play soccer
after walking the whole day!
thanks to Joeyee, i've lotsa fun
i'm good?
-refer to syen's blog
nah..just that i'm a girl and all the guys
don't dare to come near me
i'm not fierce nor hiong like what he said
i'm not okay.
i'm gentle, i'm in judo.lol.
thankyou, Joeyee!
i really enjoyed myself

plus today,
i've a good time talking to shawn,aaron,ray
"my straw is BLACK!"
-ray
hoho.
stupid jan
i really wonder how she gets into rgs
and if you're reading this..
please please, act your age
stop acting stupid..
totally defeats the purpose that God gave you brain
i pity the cgl+cg members
okayokay.i'm just kidding.haha
thanks for making me laugh

i won't be able to blog for some time now
bye people.
Believe in Jesus today.

oh yar, MRS CHER(!!)\trili
please be back soon kay?
stayovers!late night supper!
but not oyster omelette please-puke
-i'll tell you about more cute guys i've met.haha!
but i dont like him anymore la.
bye bye.

2005-03-22T19:48:00.000-08:00

-i wanna change my template.but there isn't any nice picture around :(-

[SYNERGIZ conference]
[17-19th march]

day 1.
it's fantastic+awesome+cool.
not just bcos' it's my birthday..
conference is really awesome.
felt the presence of God..so strongly.
i know God is speaking to me.

[workshop1:Great Expectations]
[speaker:Miss Esther Tze Wong}
er..nothing much to say.
i was a little distracted
cos' i was sitting next to abby
she is damn cute i tell you.
she uses-ahem-the innocent emeline's phone to sms me.
'Happy Birthday Darling xuanyi. Love, Your Secret Admirer :)'
anyhow.
emeline crush me, right?
haha.kidding..
[Engage the Cross]
[Pastor Jeremy Seaward]
-summary-
take it up !
don't conquer my destiny to God
only surrender to it.
it's not me anymore
it's God
i really hafta get real with God.
just one word:obey

[concert]
concert was fantastic.
"everybody jump around in the house of God"
"hey, hey, jump around"
"everybody jump around in the house of God"
"everybody"

the concert is pretty much enjoyable
except for the part when..THAT guy.
-look at natalie
aye..it's obviously for me :(
so sad.
my birthday gift from planetshakers.gone.

mm spending my day with..
.God !
.planetshakers
-that keyboard player
.brother&sister in Christ
.friends
best birthday gift.

thankyouu!:
[for sms-ing/call/msn]
.abby[lohchuanmin]!.abby[chang]!.aaron!.alexi!
.bala!.camelia!.emeline[my secret admirer]!
.eric!.gerr chang!.joel!.joy!.lejoy!.lemuel!
.mel!.natalieyeoyingwei(: !.nicol!.rudy!
.samuellim!.samueloliverng!vanessa!
.xueting!.yongsheng!.zhengyi!
-grin
sorry if i missed out any names.

PLANETSHAKERS HAVE GOT A DAMN CUTE KEYBOARD PLAYER.

day 2.
i was late..overslept.
nobody bothers to wake me up la.
[Engage in Devotion]
[Pastor Sam Evans]
-for detail, log on to geraldine
's blog

went to do youth EE with joeyee.
2 assurance.
really cool.
she taught me alot of things..

[workshop2:Mentoring and Discipleship]
[Rev. Aries Zulkarnain]
i think he is quite cute..haa.
but he is married with a son :(
haha.j/k..he is too old for me.

disciple
.i'm here to serve, not to be serve !
.my attitude determinds my altitude
3 main factor.
1)humility
.we must be a servent first
.the way
up, is the way
down
2)willingness
.submitting to your leaders
.be punctural =P
3)positive attitude-faith
.disciples are made, not born
.observation
-in the most natural circumstances
.if you want to be a discipler, you must first be discipled

[Engage the Faith]
[Rev. Clement Wong]
-for detail, log on to geraldine
's blog

[concert]
i want to show You
what you mean to me God
i give You my whole life
i've got to tell You
i'm Yours forever
Lord i give You my whole life
Jesus i'll live for You
i everything i do
i'm holding on to You
Always!
always and forever

ys & timothy(+ family) came too (:
so cool.
joined VS cell to pray for a while then went home (:

PLANETSHAKERS HAVE GOT A DAMN CUTE KEYBOARD PLAYER.

day3.
i was late..overslept.again.argh.
sick+tired+body ache
nobody bothers to wake me up la.
[Engage in Prophetic]
[Rev. james Singh]
i love this guy.
man of God.
his message really powerful.
prayer is a power tool!
wisdom of God vs wisdom of man.
-for detail, log on to natalie
's blog
[my favourite girl]
went for alter call.
"Full-time calling..
take my life..use me as You wish"Rev. James Singh prayed for me.
fall under the power of God.
i know God is speaking to me.
about the many different issues.
big/small thing that i've been struggling to obey God of
fear.
finally..i obeyed.
phew!i feel a little better now.

[workshop3:heart to heart talk with girls]
[Pastor. Daphne+Joyce+Eileen]
-actually going for the "heart to heart talk with guys"
with emeline + vanessa,but..
got chased out.
that woman at the door so fierce
"NO GIRLS ALLOWED"
-sob-
the workshop is good.
-for detail, log on to emeline
's blog
okay.BGR relationship only after 19.christian.

[Engage the Call]
[Synergiz committee]
it's like a prayer meeting session
-pray pray pray-
all the youth pastors/leaders
praying for all the youths
over hundreds.or even thousands of them..
my dearest beloved rev. James Singh prayed for me.again.
it feels good when people pray for you and it hit just at the right spot
but when i was about to fall..i resisted.
i knew it was coming.
i didn't really expect it?
it's like the last day..and.
i just hate it..

[concert]
my emotions..my thoughts.
i tried to put everything aside.
and praise God like never before.

"i need You more than ever"
"i'm thirsty for a touch from Heaven"
"Jesus, please don't pass me by"

can't avoid it..he came.
damn.
i start to ponder if i've been a good leader.
and everything just seems so..urgh.
nehmind.
hope those people is feeling better now.

end of synergiz concert..
why isn't it a happy ending?

2005-03-12T22:49:00.000-08:00

when im nothing ;
YOU are everything

2005-03-06T20:10:00.000-08:00

i realise that im just out there..alone.
building relationship
is a two way thing.
but if one keeps giving,
and not getting
back anything,
eventually,she/he will grow
weary.tired.and..give up.
strained relationship.

i realise that
even in ministry.
if i give and give and give so much.
and if God can't replace
as much im giving
i feel inadequate.

and in my friendship too.
i often felt this way.
'why im the one that's compromising?'
not fair.

im so tired of being/getting
close to someone.
eventually,i'll drift away
from that person.
it happens a lot of time.
sometimes i wonder,
'is it just me?or them?'
im tired of trying to get
close to someone again.
therefore, i wont.
i shall be that
unfriendly creature from now on.

im really misses those days..
when people around me are
so supportive of me.
when im down,
people are just there for me.
i dont have to saying anything.
they just just be there.
but now..
everything is changed.
and i realise
people that's around me now.
supporting me.cheering me up.
aint any of my
brother/sister in christ.
they are my non-christian friend.
why is it so?
im quite bothered by it.
i want somebody to watch over me..

anyway, i think that i can
pretend very well.
as in.
i can laugh and joke
like nobody's business.
but deep down inside my heart..
im at a lost..
running away from the problems.
i know that's not the solution.
but i dont know how i should react?

(a quote from jeanette)
'..that differ a christian from a non-christian?'
it really hit me.
yes,im a child of God.
i should just face it..

i just want more more more of YOU..