Sunday, March 06, 2005

i realise that im just out there..alone.
building relationship
is a two way thing.
but if one keeps giving,
and not getting
back anything,
eventually,she/he will grow
weary.tired.and..give up.
strained relationship.

i realise that
even in ministry.
if i give and give and give so much.
and if God can't replace
as much im giving
i feel inadequate.

and in my friendship too.
i often felt this way.
'why im the one that's compromising?'
not fair.

im so tired of being/getting
close to someone.
eventually,i'll drift away
from that person.
it happens a lot of time.
sometimes i wonder,
'is it just me?or them?'
im tired of trying to get
close to someone again.
therefore, i wont.
i shall be that
unfriendly creature from now on.

im really misses those days..
when people around me are
so supportive of me.
when im down,
people are just there for me.
i dont have to saying anything.
they just just be there.
but now..
everything is changed.
and i realise
people that's around me now.
supporting me.cheering me up.
aint any of my
brother/sister in christ.
they are my non-christian friend.
why is it so?
im quite bothered by it.
i want somebody to watch over me..

anyway, i think that i can
pretend very well.
as in.
i can laugh and joke
like nobody's business.
but deep down inside my heart..
im at a lost..
running away from the problems.
i know that's not the solution.
but i dont know how i should react?

(a quote from jeanette)
'..that differ a christian from a non-christian?'
it really hit me.
yes,im a child of God.
i should just face it..

i just want more more more of YOU..